By Dr. Ann Kearney-Cooke
A forty-year-old client I coach, whom I will call Kathy, asked if she could set up an extra appointment this week after finding out that her mom was diagnosed with the coronavirus. She had not talked to her mother for eight years. Her mother struggled with alcoholism since Kathy was a teenager. She was an angry drunk who disrupted the household and played a role in Kathy’s depression and sleep disorder. The last holiday Kathy and her family spent with her mother, she was drunk and angry and fell asleep before the thanksgiving dinner. Kathy’s kids were frightened and scared of her mother, so she decided she would never talk to her mother again. She knows the impact her mother’s alcoholism had on her growing up and she was not going to let her mother’s addiction affect her kids too.
After the phone call where she learned her mother was sick, Kathy was having problems sleeping, eating and focusing at work. She didn’t know what to do.
I shared the following story with her:
In medieval times, there was a knight who was known to do the right thing and respect and be kind to those around him. He was on a horse heading into the village and was shot with an arrow. Angry and in pain he vowed, “I will not take this arrow out until I find out who shot me and he/she apologizes to me. I don’t deserve this.”
What do you think happened? He died from an infection.
Kathy said she was worried that if she began to forgive her mom, it would be making light of her addictive behaviors and how it affected every aspect of her life. She also was remembering the times before her mother’s alcoholism and how she felt nurtured and loved by her mother.
She called me the next day and said she decided to “take the arrow out” so she wouldn’t die from an “emotional infection”. She let me know that she called her mom.
Are you someone who suffers and is unable to change because you can’t forgive an important person in your life? Is your unhappiness a result of an unresolved emotional wound? Are you stuck because your wife had an affair, your boss never appreciated your hard work or your children didn’t turn out the way you wanted them to?
Forgiving yourself and others can set you free to be truly happy. You have to forgive, take the “arrow out” and get past the hurt and bitterness within you.
The time for change is now!
If you too have someone you’d like to forgive, I’m here to help you through the process, step by step! Contact me