By Dr. Ann Kearney-Cooke
Originally featured on The Cincinnati Enquirer
According to a national survey of adolescents aged 13-18 (Harris Poll, May 2020):
- 7 out of ten said they were struggling with their mental health in some way
- 45 percent said they were experiencing excessive stress
- 55 percent said they were experiencing anxiety and 43 percent said they struggle with depression
- 65 percent said the coronavirus has increased their feelings of loneliness.
Without question, the coronavirus has had an adverse effect on many teens’ mental health.
Here are some tips for parents to help their teenagers navigate this challenging situation as time grinds on and there is no sign the coronavirus will end soon.
1. It’s OK to not be OK.
Let your teenager know if they are feeling anxious, disappointed, and lonely- to remember they are not alone. Encourage them to talk about how they are feeling with someone they trust, whether that be an adult, sibling, or friend. If they talk about it to you, listen with an empathetic ear and be there for them. Talking about their fears and concerns can help them feel as though a burden is lifted and leave him/her not feeling so alone or think something is wrong with them.
As parents, try to model healthy ways of dealing with your own uncomfortable feelings by taking a walk, listening to music, etc. At the end of the day, it might be fun for parents to high five their kids and laugh that they all made it through another day. Feeling safe and connected with your family is very soothing for an anxious teenager.
2. Help them feel more in control.
Researchers have found that when individuals are under chronic stress and uncertainty, where they don’t feel any control, it is helpful to clarify what they have control of and what they don’t. For example, teenagers have control of social distancing, wearing masks, and calling friends. They don’t have control of anticipated events that are now not happening like a summer job, canceled summer concerts, and what school will be like in the fall.
Action is the antidote for anxiety and depression. Encourage them to set up a schedule for themselves each day, connect with grandparents and extended family and help others, for example, buy groceries for an elderly neighbor, donate blood, etc.
3. Encourage and help find safe ways for teenagers to connect with each other.
Adolescent isolation can increase psychological distress. Many teens have been stuck all day at home with their families for months on end. This interferes with the basic needs of adolescents who are evolutionarily wired to become increasingly independent from parents and strengthen their connection with peers.
Help your teens connect with their friends. Plan a family a hike and have your teenager invite their best friend. Give them space to walk ahead of you or behind you so they can have their own confidential conversation. Allow your teens more time on social media than normal. They can be on group chats with their friends, FaceTime with others, and play video games online together with peers. This gives them time to talk with people their own age about how they are doing during this tough time and joke and have fun together. Teenagers need each other. Support from their friends can mean a lot to them.
4. Teach your children the concept of radical acceptance.
One of the strategies of dialectical behavior therapy (DBT) is the concept of radical acceptance. Some teenagers are angry about not being able to live a “normal “ teenage life and complain that the confines of the coronavirus aren’t fair.
Radical acceptance is acknowledging that the pandemic is here and it is difficult to deal with but they can be creative and get through it. Fighting the reality of this crisis causes suffering and intensifies your reactions and emotions…you don’t have to like reality to accept it. Once you accept coronavirus for what it is, only then can you focus on the changes you need to make to get through it.
I believe being a parent is the hardest job in the world, yet also the most meaningful one. Make sure you are taking radical care of yourself because the demands of parenting are increasing now. Try to keep perspective and remember this too shall pass!
If your teen needs some extra help to get through this challenging time, let’s chat. Contact me for a free consultation to see if working together would be a good fit!
