By Dr. Ann Kearney-Cooke
When my daughter and her friends turned 16, their moms and I decided we wanted to plan a mother-daughter celebration. We went to Benihana for dinner and then went to a Tina Turner concert. We weren’t sure if our daughters were going to enjoy seeing the “Queen of Rock and Roll” but wanted them to experience one of Tina Turner’s powerful performances and learn about her story.
Born into poverty in Tennessee, she grew up in a dysfunctional family where she felt rejected and unwanted. It was not a happy home, and she witnessed her father beat her mother on a regular basis. Her parents divorced and she moved to St. Louis with her mother. In her teens, she began performing in clubs and eventually became a backup singer for Ike Turner. They married and became the Ike and Turner Revue. They rose to international stardom and released hits including “Proud Mary” and “A Fool in Love.”
Unfortunately, Ike was an abusive, controlling husband and Tina suffered from anxiety, and depression and eventually tried to kill herself. She risked everything when she left in 1976. She wasn’t sure if her record company would support her solo career as a middle-aged Black woman singing rock and roll. Capital Records dropped her from the label, but she didn’t give up and she was picked up by another record label. She developed her own identity and emerged as a successful solo star.
When she shared her story of partner abuse, women around the world were dumbfounded. As a famous singer and a force to be reckoned with, she put into words the horror of being a battered wife and became a role model sparking hope for women in toxic relationships.
As a psychologist who has treated women in abusive relationships, I have learned there are numerous factors that contribute to the difficulty of leaving. Many women assume it is their fault, listening to repeated claims that they caused or provoked the abuse. The cycle of abuse, where the victim experiences violence and then the perpetrator calms down for a little while before it escalates again, is very powerful. Another factor is the fear that if they leave, they will be financially unable to take care of themselves and their children. They worry they will lose custody and fear retribution from their abuser. Abuse destroys self-confidence, leaving the abused feeling trapped, exhausted, and finding it hard to walk away.
When I heard that Tina Turner died two weeks ago, I called my daughter and relived the concert we attended when she was 16. Even though she didn’t understand domestic abuse at that age, she learned the red flags and helped support one of her friends exit a toxic relationship.
We were so relieved when we learned Tina married Bach, a German record executive, and received the love and care she deserved at last. Towards the end of her life, she found peace in her relationship with Bach and through the teachings of Buddhism. Whether she was lighting up the stage or sparking hope for victims of domestic violence, Tina Turner was an amazing woman we will never forget.
